Uncertainty

Been feeling a bit uncertain about this whole spirit/psychic art thing recently, because it seems like every time I sit down to do a reading, it feels like work. On my personal blog, I mentioned that I suspect this has to do with attending school and having no free time. Because as much as I love to help people in this way, I would still prefer spending my free time working on personal writing and artwork, because I rarely get much time to focus on it while I'm busy with classes and whatnot. 

I can't determine whether spirit/psychic art is something I'll continue to do years into the future. I can't speak for my future self. I can only speak for my present self, and my present self has so much she'd like to be doing right now. But of course, I'm in the midst of attending school so I can receive a degree and secure myself a stable job so that I can sustain myself with decent income. 

I'm thinking that perhaps I'm not meant to be focusing on spirit/psychic art right now. When I examine my desires, I realize that one of the biggest reasons I'm doing it is to keep up a reputation, or at least construct one so that I can attract potential clients for the near future. In other words, I'm focusing on the financial aspect of it. After all, how am I supposed to sustain myself if I don't receive something in return for the energy I give?

I've been making a semi-fervent effort. I made a tumblr dedicated to my art for a little extra exposure, but it has attracted very little attention, despite me trying to promote it on my main blog. Perhaps it's because most people on tumblr - even those who are into spirituality - aren't looking for that kind of thing. I also made this blog as a means of documenting my progress and getting my name out there. But by doing so, all I'm really focusing on is the financial aspect of this service. Am I to blame? No. I need to be able to sustain myself. I mean, I have parents who are freaking out that I won't be able to take care of myself when they leave to go live overseas. My writing will take a long while to perfect, even if my ideas stop changing. So I need something that will help me live from now until the time I can get published. 

That's where spirit/psychic art comes in - or so I was hoping. But if I can hardly muster up the motivation for it now, what am I supposed to do? 

I'm thinking that perhaps I should take some time off from it. If anything, I should trust the universe to deliver that which I need for this life at the perfect time. Maybe spirit/psychic art is a temporary thing. Maybe it'll be something that returns in the future, after I've had much more drawing experience. 

I often wonder why I feel so uncreative and unoriginal, and then I realized: my problem is that every creative thing I do is fueled by thoughts of having to turn it into something lucrative. I have to worry about skill, talent, creative perfection, competition, survival, and whether I can make a career out of what it is I do. I have no room to just enjoy the act of creating art, despite it being my passion. I have to turn that passion - the fire that fuels my existence - into something that helps protect the very same system that I'm fighting against.

Man, this society is messed up. But that's not the point of this post. 

I'm probably going to set spirit/psychic art aside for a while, and focus on my own personal work. I already mentioned earlier today in my personal blog that I'm going to start focusing on creating art for the sake of creating something beautiful. Because by thinking about the financial aspect of art, I'm putting limits on myself, and these limits are preventing me from accessing my true creative power. 

So no more limits.

As for this blog... I'll continue to update it, but it'll probably be based on past readings or tips for other spirit/psychic artists. We'll see.

Evaah